Hidup tak selalu indah

Hidup tak selalu indah. Kita jangan expect lebih-lebih orang cakap, BERSYUKUR ya! THANKFULL.
Kebaikan biar kita yang simpan. orang cakap, kita "Ya" kan aje. salah atau benar Tuhan aje yang tau Biar dia yang MENGHUKUM kita Baik dari segi hubungan dengan -Nya, hubungan sesama manusia, atau segala kurniaan rezeki Tuhan atas muka bumi ini.Semua itu hak dia. Dia Maha Kuasa.

Sungguh. I just dont want to be regrets for the 2nd time and the rest of my life. I just crave for Allah's guidance. I hardly strive to get Allah's Jannah. I letting go all things that may lead to sin and 'lagha'. I know I am not perfect, tak sempurna, ilmu agama tak berapa sangat tapi saya usaha dan usaha saya biar Allah shj yang tahu.

Maafkan saya kepada masa lampau.  Dulu saya terlalu murah, sehingga Ibu Ayah menanggung segala dosa saya tapi InsyaAllah lama-kelamaan saya akan berubah. InsyaAllah..

Saya tahu setiap penghijrahan manusia ke perkara yang baik, Tuhan tak kan simply giving the simplest way to the person. He will give a few circumstances and challenges in the life. Contoh, kita dulu biasa hidup senang. Tuhan mencabar kita bila kita ada masalah duit, kewangan, hasutan manusia dan mcm-mcm lagi. Saya berguru dgn seorang ustazah, Die berkata anggap itu semua dugaan dan cabaran. Hati kene kental bila kita nk berubah. Tuhan akan uji kita dengan mcm-mcm bentuk. Orang akan tuduh kita dengan macam-macam hal, saya tatau nk eloborate more pasal ini. Setiap insan akan hadapi segalanya. Kita jangan doakan orang lain, dengan perkara yang buruk. Doakan yang baik-baik, sebab sesungguhnya doa itu kita akan dapat juga. Indahkan?  Tuhan kan Maha Adil.Saya maafkan segala yang terjadi dengan niat untuk bersihkan hati.Walaupun perit, saya cuba. Mungkin satu dua perangai yang akan menyakitkan hati, tapi saya manusia biasa.. Alpa. Maka, tegurlah saya. Saya tanak pergaduhan, tapi cuma nasihat yang membangun. Ya, benar.

Dah nak abis Ramadhan, sedih sangat. Rindukan terawikh. Sangat. 

p/s: Kuatkan la imanku yaAllah!!!

Pulang

Balik Pulang Kembali
Kembali ke pangkal jalan. Walaupun semua ini da diserapkan dalam diri dan tekad sejak 3 bulan yang lalu, tapi mengaku diri ini lemah. Masih ada yang tersasar jauh dari Allah s.w.t. Mengaku masih lalai lagi. Masih berlaku biadap. Masih tidak mengenal mana dosa, mana nafsu mana kepuasan hati. Ya Allah. Aku dah semakin jauh dari Mu Allah.
Bukan apa. Cuma nak berkongsi. Jenis nak meluahkan perasaan. Memang hari-hari, setiap saat saya mengadu kat Allah. Tapi ini cuma nukilan perasaan.Tak salah kan sapa-sapa. Saya salahkan diri saya sendiri. 
Menangis. Menyesal dengan apa yang terjadi. Allahuakhbar. Semakin jauh dengan Allah. Sibuk mencari kepuasan hati di dunia, tapi dari segi jiwa rohani aku masih luntur. Masih rapuh. Ilmu yang ada tapi tidak digunakan. Terdetik malam Ramadhan ke 21, entah kenapa. Hati ini seolah tenang  bila menunaikan Terawikh. Sungguh. Sedih, menangis, kecewa dengan diri sendiri. Tak pandai menghargai ramadhan yang bukan selalu kita jumpa. Entah - entah tahun depan tak sempat Ramadhan. mana tau la kan? Itu semua kerja Tuhan.
Dah fikir masak-masak.Bukan lakukan sebab manusia tapi lakukan sebab Allah. Untuk diri sendiri. Tekad mencari keredhaan Allah. Lupakan segala dosa dan perkara yang lepas. Semua itu jadi pengajaran,....Taubat! Insaf! Tekad. Ya Allah..kuatkan lah imanku..biarlah diri ni susah. biarlah diri ini cukup sekadar dengan apa yang ada. Allahhhh!! Menangis buat entry ni sama seperti yang ak lakukan setiap malam. Malu. Setiap dosa setiap tu nak taubat.Malu denganmu ya Allah.....
Saya bersyukur sebab perasaan kesal dan keinsafan yang ada dalam diri setiap kali melakukan salah menunjukkan masih ada lagi cahaya iman kuat dalam diri.Saya syukur sangat. Kalaulah hati saya da hitam, memang saya takkan kesal dengan apa yang saya buat.. kan? Syukur!!!
Saya kongsikan sedikit ilmu.. Dosa kecil, dosa besar.. Kita taubat. Elok kita mencari makanan utk jiwa biar seimbang dengan makanan untuk fizikal.
Dan mereka yang apabila melakukan perbuatan keji, atau menganiaya diri sendiri, mereka ingat kepada Allah lalu memohon ampun dosa-dosa mereka – dan sememangnya tidak ada yang mengampunkan dosa-dosa melainkan Allah -, dan mereka juga tidak meneruskan (perbuatan buruk) yang mereka telah lakukan itu, sedang mereka mengetahui (akan salahnya dan akibatnya). Orang-orang yang demikian sifatnya, balasannya adalah keampunan dari Tuhan mereka, dan syurga-syurga yang mengalir di bawahnya beberapa sungai, mereka kekal di dalamnya; dan yang demikian itulah sebaik-baik balasan (bagi) mereka yang beramal” (Surah Ali ‘Imran: 135-136).
Azam untuk tidak mengulanginya.
Bila kita da insaf atau taubat, eloklah urusan tu di antara kita dan Allah s.w.t. Tak perlu kita jaja kepada sapa-sapa bilang yang kita ni dah berubah. Taubat yang lahir dari perasaan khusyuk tawaduk, insaf sehingga menyerap masuk ke setiap perasaan jiwa sambil  mengalirkan air mata keinsafan yang datang dari hati yang jujur. InsyaAllah Tuhan terima taubat nasuha kita. Penting, taubat yang kita lakukan bukan di buat-buat, bukan lakonan..ianya zahir dari hati. Biarkan kita tau apa yang kita buat, urusan ini biarkan kita dengan Tuhan. Apa orang lain nak cakap, kita biarkan. Semoga Tuhan beri hidayah untuknya kelak. Amin.


Mohon semoga dapat pindah ke state lain. Mula hidup baru. ya Allah perkenankanlahhh...

Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan

Percaya dengan rezeki Allah. yakin dengan rezekinya. InsyaAllah.. jika sumbernya halal, niatnya yang baik.. Maka, hasilnya pun baik.
Ya Allah.murahkan la rezekiku. Permudahkan la urusan ku.

Bila selesai bayar sana-sini tengok balik balance mengucap dibuatnya. Astaghfirullahalazim....  Terdetik. Ya Allah. cukupkah?
Raya menjelang tiba. Persiapan belum lagi dibuat. Ya, kita sederhana je la. Jangan membazir. Masalahnya nak sederhana pun tak cukup ni. Ishk Ishk. Allahuakhbar.

Kepercayaan kepada Tuhan Kesetiaan kepada raja dan negara Keluhuran perlembagaan Kedaulatan undang-undang Kesopanan dan kesusilaan.




p/s: cinta kpd Allah lagi berkekalan.

Sob sob

07082012

9.59 am

Unwell

Tak berapa larat.

Kepala sakit

i thought it happen because of not getting much rest, but last night sleep after Isya' pray until 3.30 am but still not okay. Cold and cough. Badan agak panas.Mata merah. :(

Sahur awal.Tido balik.Take Subuh prayer and rush to work. Kuatkan diri, gagahkan diri berjalan ke kerja. 

Ya Allah.

Kuatkanlah hambamu ini.

p/s: Imissmyman.

Jangan

JANGAN.
Jangan menipu. Jangan bagi harapan kalau kita tak pasti kita dapat penuhkan atau tidak. Jangan berjanji jika kita tak pasti dapat tunaikan atau tidak. Jangan bagi orang lain menunggu Jangan sakitkan hati orang lain. Jangan muncul dalam hati si-dia kalau niat kita hanyalah untuk sementara. Jangan ketis barang orang lain. Jangan dengki dengan orang lain. Jangan... Jangan.... Hidup ni lagi banyak jangan dari mesti / perlu. Sebab manusia sekarang entah apa dalam kepala mereka. Kita lagi banyak berkata jangan..
" ko jangan nak macam-macam weyh..." " ko jangan nak pepandai buat decision..tunggu dulu" "Kamu jangan nk usik barang kakak"
Semua ini realiti. Kalau di tempat kerja, perkataan jangan dilontarkan dengan cara yang lebih profesional tapi agak sarcastic.
"Please remind not to repeat the same mistakes again or short cause letter will be issued to the members involved" "Please do not create the TR and etc" "Please do not make a simply conclusion of any issue that you've been done." *maaf.di office lagi banyak bahasa luar dari bahasa ibunda*
lagi sarcastic? tak pasti pernah dapat ke tak. sebab kadang-kadang masuk angin keluar asap. yang JANGAN tu la kita buat. yang TAK BOLEH itu lah yang kita buat. memang culture and habit masyarakat sekarang, the more we say no the more they intend to do it. Seriously.tak perlu nk di eloborate more. Its Malaysian culture.
contoh yang terdekat dan simple; " Jangan membuang sampah merata-rata" tapi tengok TUU DIA sampah kemain macam konsert. @ "Dilarang meletakkan kenderaan disini" tapi bertepek-tepek keta park sana sini.

Lumrah biasa la kan? Kita manusia.We live in Malaysia and we have the culture.Kadang-kadang culture tu boleh dibanggakan , tapi ada yang tak boleh. If dari segi warisan, should be no problem la kan. We should proud of it. Hurm.Bulan puasa ni mencabar iman. Bila dikata jangan, itulah yang dibuat. Bila ditegur melenting. Apa lagi nak buat? Redha dan berdoa je la.

01082012 9.34am


p/s: Hati ini kene kental.InsyaAllah

I am no strong

I am no strong

8.06 am.

Safely arrive KL yesterday sharp 8.00pm. Breaking fast in the bus with bread, kurma and drinking water. I keep thinking about someone that quite far away from me. orr maybe i need to stop thinking about him..rite? Naa. Biar la. Let it play off in my head and let it dancing happily even though I quite suffered enough for everything that happen. Hurm.Hurm.I think i am soo exhausted and very tiring or am i just to emotional? On my way back home, something had happen and it out of control. ITS EMOTIONAL! YES! i am! I am soo exhausted, tiring and very starving. It just came out from the mouth. I am seriously apology. From that since, the tears just never stop. Hurm. I am restless. Alone.Starving.Tiring. Feels like no one can help. Talk to 'him', he ask me to calm down. AHH. 
I am no strong.Woke up at 4.45 am, get my sahur and prepare to work. Off to Train around 6.30 am by bus. Still the tears flow without mercy. My mind keep thinking of had happen yesterday, it involving my close people. Family and relatives. AGAIN. The relatives keep messing with my life, feels like to move out from the house. SERIOUSLY. I can't take it anymore. I need my life. I'm already 26 and i know what I'm doing. I know my limits. I do no wrong now. I feel very pissed off when someone just accuse me of thing that I never do!!! I am no strong to control my anger, my temper and my emotional. Yes. 

I am no strong.ya Allah, kuatkanlah hambamu ini.Siapa lagi ak mahu berserah. hanya padamu ya Allah. :'((






Mak,Maafkan la adik.  You know i miss you so much.

Tonsil

Tonsil

Klik gambar untuk tumbesaran.

Ini lah penyakit yang dihadapi sejak sekian lama. HUHU. Tonsil je pun. Tapi effect die, fuhh kemain. Kejap demam, kejap selsema, kejap batuk.. Apa lagi. Kekadang tak leh telan makanan, nk telan air liur pun susah weyh. Sadis.

Paling stress bila sakit masa tgh malam atau nak subuh. Mesti asthma. Mesti  terbangun. Tidur dengkur tu takyah cakap la. Dasat. Ngeee. Sakit kepala apa lagi. Memang sikit-skit. Tapi yang sikit dikumpul tu la jadi suffer gila. Dapat da surat refer ENT, tapi tak pegi pun. Masalahnye tak de transport. Nak g dengan apa pun susah. Ampang puteri bukan ada train. Jauh pulak tu. Haih. Sadis betul tengok diri sendiri. 

Maka, dengan itu redha je la. 

No ice

No oily food

Makan pantang

If berjalan, kene pakai mask.

Pendek cita, tonsil senang dapat infection. Kene je la jaga diri sendiri.

Ayah da bagi green light, Mak pulak tak bagi. Camne ni.

p/s: Life must goes on..

Dugaan

01041988

Just now, we like having a few conflicts and drama. Yell in the phone, cries and everything that related to sadness, anger and dunno-what-to-say. Maybe he too hush to counter back everything and might be from my mistake as well. He already warn me like a million times, but I keep doing the mistake. Is it a mistake? Yes, It was a huge mistake for meeting someone that not supposed to be. Yes. Admit, it was my mistake. Hurm, Berdoa sangat that one day aku akan lupakan semua yang dah berlaku and just proceed with the future life. InsyaAllah and I hope everything will be okay and fine after this. Harap semua yang sudah berlaku menjadi satu pengajaran untuk aku dan petunjuk di masa hadapan agar lebiih berhati-hati. I really want to forget everything and just go on with my life. I will focus on my life, my career, my friends, my family, and my love.






notakaki: no matter what happens, he still and will be forever my other half. InsyaAllah.

be strong

sejak menjak lepas pulih dari sakit.ini ayat yang terima dari orang sekeliling dan paling mengejutkan ialah boss aku. " be strong mai.be confident. if you dont have the confident yet, it would developed day by day." ye lah bos!entah aku tatau nak cakap apa.lepas pulih, ayat nak marah tak ada dan hanya cuma ayat yang frustrated dan mengecewakan ( sama je kan). ayat itu je yang keluar dan terus meleleh air mata ni terlalu menahan marah, menahan perasaan dan bukan dendam cuma ini hak sebagai pekerja. ( obviously ini pasal kerja la okay?) so, be strong. yes! i am trying now! please lah okay! i think i've been bullied. not sure by who but from someone observation saying that i am toooo KIND. yeke? am i? entah. but, now i feel it. now i feel it that i'm just the black sheep. tapi, black sheep aku pon i bring the names of the company okay? please notice that! ingat tu.

day by day. i trying hard develop myself a self confidence to face true life after been suffering in the hospital. seriously i am traumatized. ive been off day from work for 3 weeks and when come back to office, i starting to blur, low confidence and kelam-kabut yang pasti. i wish i would built up the confidence to face my life. i know that life is such a lies but thats the fact that i need to face it. sedih kan? whatever it is life must goes on! face it mai! i wish that mom and dad would stay with me here, but i know it will never happen...homesick. be strong mai!.. mom and dad everyday keep remind me to take care of myself and tabahkan hati.. insyaAllah. i wish sister also here too taking care of me but it definitely not happen..the thing is i wish my BF is keeping me company or take care of me even we are so far away but it not happen actually which is i am so frustrated. i dont know whats on his mind? Motor? Photograph thingy? Studio? Shoot pictures? am i included? Am i? I wish i am but i never feel it. Not even once. sedih kan. orang yang kita sayang, yang kita harap kita dapat hidup dengan dia, orang yang kita sangka boleh jaga kita kala susah dan senang tapi hampa. hampa sangat. i feel like been left out. I love him so much but I am sad because of him. I only got him. Only him in my heart. Soo sad....

maizura,

do not be afraid to fail.

be strong.

everything happen is for a reason.

insyaAllah.

Hope and pray everything will be okay.

notakaki: image courtesy from google-google.

One Lovely Blog Award ( Edisi MC)

waktu-waktu sekarang kira macam waktu sakit aku.bukan nak official atau nak sangat sakit. tapi, memang tak berapa nak sihat. so. edisi MC. Sayda ada tag, blog award. Report pending masa MC dah selesai, so ada la free time sikit. nah!




lovely sangat ke ni? hik hik.

Here are rules to abide accepting this award

1. Post linking back to the person that gave you the award
2. Share 7 random things about yourself
3. Award 15 recently discovered blogs
4. Drop them a note and tell them about it

1. Post linking back to the person that gave you the award .camni ke sayda dino. nah!
2. Share 7 random things about yourself alamak. tujuh? banyak nye?

• hurm.baru-baru ni aku masuk ward.alhamdulilah da sihat. best sangat kat sana sebab SGF datang. sayda.ecah.affa.nani.shuze.nadiawani.norman.wanita. tenkiu sangat-sangat! (gaya mcm seronok je masuk ward..dem!)

• dulu berdua dengan kakak aku maisurya kat KeyEll ni.skang da sorang-sorang.agak susah la sebab bukan ada keta.takat menumpang. bosan.bosan.sebab tu dua 3 hari ni asyik melalak je sebab homesick.haish.

• AF da minggu keberapa tah.tapi, rumah kaca dekat AEON AU2 tu baru 2 kali pergi.padehal dekat nak mampos dengan rumah. eh, perlu ke? sebab aku jakun tgk artis2 ni..lawa dan ensem siot. dem!

• emo? memang da sebati dalam hati. tapi, berusaha untuk kurangkan marah ni.nasib xde HBP.aritu sakit. HBP aku normal je..nasib nasib. lepas ni tahan marah macam mana? setakat ni, nangis je la. macam pagi tad, aku marah sangat dengan sorang mamat ni. terus nangis. LOL. "cry cry if u stumble into a mess......"

• ive made lots of mistakes and sangat-sangat regret..kalau la aku boleh turn back the time kan? i wish i never knew him.seriously... knowing that person is just makes my life suffering and he keep detsroying my life. Pray and Hope that miracle will happen. Karma does exist. What you gives is what u get back. Allah itu Maha Kuasa. Ingat!

• teringat masa sekolah rendah. geng dengan budak OKU. belajar bahasa isyarat.macam-macam. sampai terbawak ke kelas, last-last kene ejek dengan budak laki.kuang ajo. sek ren dulu, pnah gaduh dengan cikgu kelas darjah 6 sebab aku tak dapat pegi jamuan kelas..sebab aku kene amik hadiah pelajar terbaik subjek apa tah. ada 2. wahh.berlagak. masa ni aku rasa jamuan makan penting dari amik hadiah mengarut yang takat kamus je. HAHA. masa sek ren ni, cinta monyet aku. darjah 4 kenal, darjah 5 bercinta sampai Form 1. fuh fuh.. yang pasti dia sangat hensem. HAHA

• lately ni, lagu glee -gwynelth paltrow (betul x eja? ) forget you tu dah berapa kali ulang sampai aku paksa anak spupu aku yang kembar tu ikut menyanyi dan menari..paksa sampai boleh. haha. nasib diorg comel, cuba kalau aku...huduh...

ok.cukup 7.yes

3. Award 15 recently discovered blogsapa nak tag.banyak gilo.
adik Zul.Mira.K.Fara.K.Yanie.Erin.ZukhirmanApis

4. Drop them a note and tell them about itkejap lagi lah...........tgk la. :P





notakaki: just to kill the time.

saya trauma

saya trauma.


saya trauma dengan keadaan sekeliling. sejak kejadian sakit masuk hospital saya jadi trauma. sumpah. setiap kali berada di luar kawasan bebas. saya pegang jantung saya.saya pegang paru-paru saya.saya cuba untuk tahan nafas supaya kurang habuk, asap yang saya hidu. saya cuba mengagahkan diri saya. saya cuba. hari ini hari ke-2 saya berkerja dan saya sedang makan hati dengan team saya dan boss saya. saya sudah sihat tapi masih dalam recovery process. saya tak faham kenapa boss macam celaka sangat semalam dan hari ini back-up saya macam sial. opps. tad saya meluahkan perasaan dengan K.Una. rupanya banyak cerita lain yang terjadi selama 3 minggu saya tak berkerja.hari ni saya suffering period pain yang melampau tapi saya gagahkan diri untuk siapkan report saya.
saya trauma dan saya kesal. ada sesetengah pihak yang mengambil kesempatan dgn saya.saya baru lepas sembuh dan baru juga dapat bonus. tak ada plan pun bonus tu, tapi saya dah labur ke mana entah. nak tolong dan sayang punya pasal. melayankan diri pun lebih kurang aje. saya ni sapa tah pada dia atau saya je yang rasa digunakan sekarang?

bila cakap sayang, saya rasa hipokrit.sangat.


saya trauma dengan kehidupan saya.







notakaki: macam mana saya nak cari seorang suami yang persis ayah saya. semua boleh diharap. mana nak cari?

Siapa mintak sakit ni? Siapa?

petang tadi appt dgn specialist doc. ok. Doc tapi Dato'. So, called him Dato'. banyak bende dia explain plus aku tanya macam-macam pasal kejadian lepas. sinus lepas Ct Scan, ada but tak serious. X-ray, ada bronchitis. Kalau aku google bronchitis dalam wikipedia, ada related to viral infection. Mungkin dari situ lah bacteria atau virus yang menyerang buat batuk kahak dan selsema aku berdarah. Dato' pulak suruh aku refer pada Doc E & T, Dr Aminudin yang so-coincidently is NadiaWani's uncle. HAHA. kene refer die sebab Dato suggest aku utk operate tonsil aku yg bermasalah tu. As adv dari Doc tak bertauliah di sekeliling aku bak kata Nadiawani mostly tak bagi aku buang tonsil ni, So she advice me to consult Doc 1st no matter what and then baru discuss macam mana next plan. yes, betul jugak ckp Nadia. hurm. pasal bronchitis tu, aku perlukan orang or Doc yang boleh explain bagi aku faham. Aku ni Doc aku Dato' tapi aku mcm bangang je bila depan dia. HAHA. kes sel darah merah aku pulak satu lagi. RBC lebih dari WBC masa aku sakit aritu. sebab aku G6PD. apa itu? google. and becoming Dr shuze sangat terkejut sbb aku ada bende ni sbb selalunya happen to the boys, male. very rare pada girls. Nak buek camano, since I was born. Haih. G6PD ni ada allergic macam-macam. yang pasti aku tak boleh kene ubat gegat, makan kacang parang, ubat other than Dr prescription, spray ridsect dan ada list yang sepatutya. If langgar pantang larang jugak, one of the effect is causes RBC count aku la problem. Kalau nak explain, nantilah.

pening dengan penyakit sendiri.aku tak pernah mintak. G6PD tu since born. tonsil problem since i was primary school then. RBC, bronchitis, Viral Infection? Tak pernah sesekali mintak dalam hidup ini. Sumpah. Asthma? Itu satu lagi kes sejak secondary school when i was exposed much to dust. Alhamdulilah asthma kurang dah sekarang.

banyak pulak list penyakit. sapa mintak? Tuhan bagi. Ini semua satu dugaan dalam hidup. bak kata BF, Tuhan suruh kita beringat bila kita ditimpa malang begini. ya Allah, kuatkan lah imanku menghadapi segala dugaan dalam hidup ini.

ya Allah..

the thank you part 2

thank you part two

thank you goes to my BF, my sayang. sepanjang saya sakit, he is very worried. I know he having problem with the transportation, but die gagah jugak dgn his brother car. He came along from Muar with Faliq. Teman di Hospital. Walaupun kejap sebab he came at the time I discharge but I really appreciate and glad that you came sayang. That night, he take care of me and make sure i take my meds and have a good rest. The next morning, we take our breakfast together and get something for lunch and have a walk just to make my mind free as I was hospitalized and stay at home almost 2 weeks. So, I need fresh air. Thank you sayang. I love u so much.

Dear BF,

i love u so much.

the thank you

sepanjang 3.5 hari di hospital. i was lucky and blessed being visited by friends, cousins and relatives. bertuah badan. tima kasih banyak yang datang melawat. kedatangan korang makes me happy and cheer up my day. Terima Kasih ya Allah.

SGF yang datang. sayda.wanita.affa.nani.ecah. norman also, he is taking the pic.

shuze came by when i'm taking my lunch. also with her is Nadiawani. Tq korang!

The most precious and ya Allah, aku berterima kasih dikurniakan ibu dan ayah yang memahami. Mak ayah dua kali datang, once in the middle of the week and 2nd is when i admit to Hosp. Tenkiu mak ayah! I love u sooo much!

Mak setia menunggu. Ayah juga. They both stay a night with me after my sis surya take care of me at first two nights. Then, she go to Shah Alam for work.

My sis sarah and Fendi, they mms out picture and wish to get better soon. Tq sarah and Fendi.

My sis surya and little Jaja. Maisurya, take care of me 2 days and stay night with me. Tq maisu! i love u!

The most thankful to Mak Long, Kak Ween, Abg Nuar and little twins who always there for me. Who sent me to hosp, clinics and so many more. It was priceless. Tq All. Tq MakSu Gayah and Pak Usu also K.Lim and the boys who come visiting me. There goes Yanti also come visit me. Tq Zukhirman, K.june and K.pinat yang tolong masa awal-awal sakit esp Man, Tq banyak-banyak sebab tlg settlekan masa hari sakit. To everyone wishes for better, thank you a million. Tq mendoakan saya sembuh. Alhamdulilah dan saya bersyukur ke hadrat Ilahi kerana masih hidup dan sihat. Amin.

sesungguhnya sakit itu penghapus dosa.

the cure

sambungan entri sebelum ni.

after a few days, my body temperature back to normal. BP pun normal. Doc came in to the ward and inform that i can be discharge. Sangat sangat happy! Eventho kene jugak last antibiotics at that evening kol 6.00pm, i was discharge at night . At this time, my BF just arrived from Muar with Faliq. Thank you love!

sebenarnya saya diagnose as Viral Disease. but this is more general. If more specific aku tak sure but confirm virus is infection in my blood and my lungs which makes White blood cells counts greater than red blood. Tak normal okay. And after a few meds and treatment, blood count back to normal. I was official normal and stable but still need a precaution especially if go out to public, need to wear mask. oookay! freak but i have to do for my health. aite? Plus, i cannot simply take any meds from anyone and need to have Doc prescription. I also have to stops taking jamu and whatsoever. Even vitamins and etc, i need to break for a while. And after settle up the bills, need to pay 242.50 and selebihnya by PMCARE and get my result and my meds, I ready to take off!!

in kat ward. masa ni dah bersemangat sikit. Alhamdulilah.

my bed.my ward.419. single room. Thats my mom!

this is the meds that need to take constantly. banyak siot.tak tgk dalam plastic lagi.T_T

setelah 3.5 days in Specialist Hosp Ampang Puteri, i am okay now and still Doc gives a week for rest. Mom da suh pegi keje, while boss said to rest a week and early May started working. ok. So, I decide to rest at home. Mom and dad went back to johore after I discharge, while my BF is waiting for me until the next day. Thank you sayang.

Alhamdulilah.

the pain

when the pain goes bad...

sambungan entri sebelum ni

bila sampai di Specialist dalam jam 4.00 ptg, terus berjumpe dgn Dr. tak ada appointment so, need to wait. Then, goes my consulation along my aunt also in the room. After checking and discussion, he decide to admit me to the ward. After submit letter, need to wait available room. As room is full, wedecide to go back home. Around 9.00 pm, got a phone call to come to Hosp and admit to my ward. My aunt, my cousin along with little wawa is waiting for me until the nurse came to do whatever they supposed to do. Meanwhile, mom, dad and sis surya is on the the way to my place. Masa awal ni, temperature body from 40.8 and reduce to 39.8, sikit je.. so, i am restless and just lay down. Sumpah tak larat. Badan terkulai. Around 10.30 pm, Nurse came in for finding the lineto water drip. Ok. Left hand, attempt 2 times but failed. So, proceed to right hand ( around my wrist) success but a little bit suffer.

right hand.

that night. my sis surya teman me whole night. Kesian. dah la tak prepare nak stay. Super cold in the ward. Every 5 hour, nurse came in to check temperature, BP and many more. On the next morning, I still in the ward..rest. after taking breakfast and meds, they call up for X-ray for my lungs. At this time, i feel so relieve as Doc came by at the evening inform that i dont need water drip but need to take lot of water by myself. After x-ray, i taking my bath and sangat la lega! rimas with my own smell. HAHA. so, just restless in the ward. At this time, i cough a lot and flu a lot and the scary thing is my sputnm ( kahak) and my hingus is bleeding. I ask Doc, he inform it because of my virus infection in my blood. I was diagnose as viral diseases, which virus attacking my blood and infection also in my lungs. My white blood cells counts is greater that red blood cell. As i have allergic, G6PD i am specific in meds. Suspect, the blood count and infection is due from my meds that take before this is wrongly given by Doc and the main cause of virus is through my tonsil is swelling super big. U know what, that i unable to eat anything other than porridge because of my tonsil.

dinner day ke berapa tah. porridge saja ok.

breakfast : oatmeal and bread with milo

my last lunch : with little twins

last day dinner : porridge

setiap hari masuk ubat antiobiotik ( sangat high conc) and antidot ( tak sure apa, untuk prevent cloth). bila masuk je, aku rs mcm nk menjerit..sebab super sakit.. itu guna line cucuk sebelah kanan. agak suffering beberapa hari. masuk hati ke 3, aku dah tak boleh tahan. nurse cakap kene buat line baru, sebelah kiri. meremang. kalau ikut, da berapa kali cucuk dengan cari line tak jumpe, dengan amik darah beberapa kali. memang suffering. so, at last line baru sebelah kiri.

line at left hand. last antibiotic masuk. Nurse cakap line ni perfect sbb blood yang kluar show that it perfect. lega. so, total up is 9 cucuk for both hand. suffering.and masa hari ke 2 ke ke 3, i have to undergo CT Scan, menakutkan. selalu tgk dalam HOUSE je. ni bila kene sendiri scary. tak sakit cuma trauma tgk bende alah tu pusing2 atas kepala. scan ni for check either i have sinus or not and Doc inform ada sinus but not serious. lepas beberapa kali antibiotics, scan and x-ray what is the result? How my infection going on?

Next Entry.

the sick

sakit itu penghapus dosa. ya, benar.

pecah rekod rasanya. harini cukup 2 minggu lebih aku off. off9 dari kerja. week yang pertama memang pegi training plus ada emergency need to go back to johore. then, comes the good news. i was officially permanent staff on that coming monday and i am soo happy that time. so, attend to HQ for briefing..Meanwhile at the evening, attend for training MLCN. ok. there goes the incident.

On Monday, 18th cuma rasa sakit perut yang melampau. Suspect masuk angin tak makan and been suffered since Sunday before. So, pegilah clinik panel dekat Annexe 2 and Doc gives ubat angin. Then, afterwards there goes the pain. Suddenly my body is total weak, my mind is out somewhere and my temperature is getting high. Eventho condition da agak teruk, but still bertahan sampai 5.30 pm. Call up my aunt to pick me up for clinic as I am so weak and restless. At clinic, just gives the same old meds and MC for the next day. After meal and takes my meds, i feel more suffered. My legs is numbs and i have serious headache which i cry every hours and minutes. I am unable to walk proper and body is total weak. Everytime i eat, i vomit it out. It happen that night and i barely cannot sleep. Every hour i woke up.
on Tuesday, as on MC. I rest at home. Morning feel the total pain. Im shivering like hell. Body and leg cramped. Eat in and everything is comes out and yes, I cry. I was soo like restless but still I hold myself until evening and my aunt say that my body is totally hot. At night, same things happen and i cannot sleep and i keep vomit like every hours and I am restless. Plus, headache makes me cry all day.
on Wednesday, I thot i will be okay but everything is wrong. I am restless, shivering and cry as my body temperature is getting high and my legs numb again. As no one at home, my aunt take advantages to come home after she settle up school canteen for student rest at 10.30 am, and arrived home around 11.30 am. She pick me up to Ustaz at Sri Gombak, but unfortunately it is closed and we both get back to Klinik Dr. Hj. Khadzali. ok, klinik ni is the best for me. He is good, understanding and nice. After a session with Dr, he suspect for dengue as my temperature is 39.8 and constant fever and so that i need to gives some blood for testing. Meanwhile, he give me other antibiotics and another 2 days of MC. At this time, my mommy and daddy is super worried so they came to KL from JB and arrived around 7.00 pm. As usual at night, im suffering to vomit, cannot sleep and body temperature is high. That night, mommy take a good care of me and also daddy keep watching me and worried about me.
on Thursday, as today on MC. I was feeling much better than before at 1st but suddenly my legs cramped and my temperature is kinda high which makes me restless. Letak kain atas kepala, 100 plus dah berapa botol but still not ok..A few hours then, I get sweating and feeling ok even went to AEON AU2 with daddy and mum for lunch and walk. OK. daddy and mum going back to Johor around 3.00 pm and saya sangat tak sedap hati sebab rasa badan still not OK but think it positively. At night, whatever i eat it cames out and legs cramped and not feeling very well.

my MCs.

my meds for 3 diff clinics, plus the only minyak Nonaroguy that i can use as i having blood allergic. G6PD. google okay!

on Friday, as advice from mummy I put my strength to work today and walk to Menara Maybank but still inside i feel the pain. At 1st, around 9.00 am, i am not feeling comfortable.. I already wearing 3 pcs and i wear up the jacket and pull the shawl around me as i am start to shivering bcz of coldness and my temperature is high. I cry. I called up the teams, and they adv me to go back home and went to check up again. I called up the Clinic, they inform its not dengue as my platlet count is normal and they req me to go back to see Dr. I ask favor from MBankers, but they all using train to work. So, RE Agro Bank is help me much. He pick me up and bring me to Clinic, and as Dr adv me to go Specialist. RE Agro is help me with faxing letter to PMCARE and waiting for them to fax back GL. So, he help me from A to Z. After settle up GL letter, he send me home. At home, i have no strength to do anything, i restless and end up with no lunch and i just lay down on bed shivering. I call up and text my aunt n cousin to go back early, as I needed to admit Specialist Hosp and they both shocked and I call daddy, sarah and Surya , they shocked.. when call up mummy, she cried.




What happen in the hospital?What actually happen to me?


Next Entry.

good news

alhamdulilah

just received good news, early this morning from hana.






terima kasih ya Allah. aku bersyukur kepada - Mu.

saya mahu jadi diri sendiri

tiba-tiba bila dalam train semalam terngiang-ngiang lagu davin degraw. especially, lagu I dont wanna to be. bila tgk balik lirik memang menusuk hati. bila kita rasa kita berada dgn orang lain, kita akan jadi orang lain ( eh, kau paham x?) sebenarnya, dalam erti kata lain..hipokrit. lagi-lagi aku tgk cerita 8TV - Paris Hilton - Searching for BFF. super tak boleh blah! final battle between Stephanie and Teniscia. sapa yang menang tak penting, tapi yang penting siapa yang betul-betul be themselves and sape yang super hipokrit sbb nak menang contest tu. memang meluat tgk perangai masing-masing. seriously. tgk balik lirik lagu, tak yah cakap or explain panjang -panjang. tak ada guna untuk menjadi orang lain, bila kita dah selesa menjadi diri sendiri. betul x? orang lain nak terima tak nak terima terpulang. bila menjadi diri sendiri dan tidak menyusahkan orang lain ok la, it good. tapi, kalau sebabkan menjadi diri sendiri dan menyusahkan orang sekeliling..kita kena fikir balik dan terpulang kepada tuan punya badan. itu hak masing-masing.

utk aku : i love being myself.

I don't need to be anything other than a prison guard's son,

I don't need to be anything other than a specialist's son,

I don't have to be anyone other than the birth of two souls in one,

Part of where I'm going is knowing where I'm coming from,

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,

All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,

Or who I'm supposed to be,

I don't wanna be anything other than me,

I'm surrounded by liars everywhere I turn,

I'm surrounded by impostors everywhere I turn,

I'm surrounded by identity crisis everywhere I turn,

Am I the only one to notice?

I can't be the only one who's learned,

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,

All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,I

'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,

Or who I'm supposed to be,

I don't wanna be anything other than me,

Can I have everyone's attention please?

If you're not like this and that, you're gonna have to leave,

I came from the mountains,

The crust of creation,

My whole situation made from clay to stone,

And now I'm telling everybody,

I don't wanna be anything other than what I've been tryin' to be lately,

All I have to do is think of me and have peace of mind,

I'm tired of looking 'round rooms wonder what I gotta do,

Or who I'm supposed to be,

I don't wanna be anything other than me.

nota kaki: meaningful every single words.

punca muka masuk Buletin Utama TV3

mengigil tengok accident depan mata.

memang mengigil.semalam, isnin. tak kerja. demam. dah berapa hari sebenarnya demam, tapi semalam isnin baru nak pergi klinik. memang tinggi suhu badan 39.1 celcius. sebabkan tak berapa nak larat ke klinik, mintak tolong kawan.. em kawan ke? boleh kira abang angkat aku la sbb memang baik gila dgn dia. ok.itu saja.

lepas balik dari klinik, rancang utk beli makanan dan terus pulang sbb aku mmg super tak larat dan selepas beberapa minit, keluar ke highway MRR2 tiba-tiba.......

(credit to ondscene)

baca selanjutnya dalam ondscene dan sila refer gambar dalam tu, walaupun dalam phone aku ada gmbar tapi sbb kan fobia, aku mls nk upload.

selang beberapa kereta saja kejadian ni berlaku tapi hampa satu kereta pon tak berhenti. dengan pantas aku suh kwn atau member kerja aku tu side tepi and parking dan sumpah dia tergamam. memang tak nafi, aku menjerit takot tapi aku gagahkan keluar kereta dan mengarahkan mmber kerja aku tu call apa yang patut ( ok, polis, ambulans dan sewaktu dengannya.. masa ni kita pon kelam-kabut, nak call sapa pon blank.. ) but, seriously a few motorcylist yang berhenti sibuk-sibuk amik gamba dan aku tak paham bukannya nak tolong. aku gak yang arah orang tepi carik surat khabar utk ttp mayat sbb puas korek blakang bonet kereta tak ada old newspaper. bukan berlagak heroin cuma tanggunjawab sebagai orang ramai. ada mcm-mcm kerenah manusia yang tempat kejadian, ada yang berhenti dan trun pegang mayat, ada yang datang dekat amik gmba ada yang datang dan berlari ke semak lalu muntah. macam-macam aksi. sebabkan aku sorang je wanita masa kejadian, banyak sangat soalan dari orang sekeliling. "eh, awak sorang ke?" "eh, awak orang 1st sampai ke?" "eh, awak tak takot ke" "eh, awak cmne boleh jadi ni.. melayu ke?" mcam -mcam la.rs mcm kaunter pertanyaan je. bukan tak takot, tapi biasa.neutral. niat nak menolong. walaupun hakikatnya, memang tgh mengigil. dalam kelam-kabut tu, ade a few ppl including me korek2 brang -barang dia utk cari pewaris to inform kemalangan ni and the scariest part is wallet dia penuh dgn daging dia. Astaga. Ajal maut di tangan Tuhan.

malas nk cerita panjang tapi hanya mampu sedekahkan Al-Fatihah dan Surah Yassin utk bekalan arwah di alam yang lain. Semoga rohnya di cucuri rahmant dan tergolong dalam golongan hamba Allah yang beriman.

punca kerja pagi ni sakit kepala. semalaman aku tak dapat tido lena, teringat dan mcam-macam ak pk pasal kemalangan semalam. bulat-bulat kejadian, keadaan mayat ( 2 minit lepas kemalangan ) memang dalam kepala. sumpah. it was a nightmare. tapi, walau apa pun aku tetap bersyukur dapat membantu mangsa dan menolong apa yang patut. Alhamdulilah.

to kawan-kawan yg tengok Buletin Utama TV3 17 januari 2010, saya bukan gelak sbb tengok accident tapi masa kejadian saya tak sedar saya senyum ke gelak ke wutever la. sorry kalau if you guys misunderstood of my action.

p/s: puas mandi beberapa kali dan surah yassin malam tad. sampai saat ni, pagi ni masih teringat. Oh, Tuhan. kuatkanlah Imanku.